Held Hostage By Hosta

I once attended a meeting in a church basement.  It went something like this.  A man stood up.  “My name is John, and I am a hosta-a-holic.  It started three years ago when a friend gave me two plants whose names I didn’t even know.  As I started buying hostas in our local nursery, the lawn, then the vegetable garden, gave way.  I have 150 hostas now, and I feel that I need each new leaf color and pattern that comes out.  My life is not my own, but for some reason I am happy.”  He sat down. 

Then a woman spoke.  “Hi John.  I’m Mary.  I’m addicted to internet hosta shopping.  The UPS truck comes to my house twice, three times a day.  I’m in debt to my hostas.  I even tried growing some in my living room over the winter.  Wanna make some trades?” 

Hostas mean different things to different people.  Landscapers plant multiples of odd numbers

of inexpensive hostas in shady spaces.  Gardeners think hostas are great companions for other shade plants, such as epimediums, ferns, and astilbes.  Hostas look good from spring emergence to frost, have few pests (if you either don’t have slugs or can handle them) and require little maintenance.  Older varieties, which have passed the test of time, can be had in the ten to twenty dollar range, and there is little reason to pay over thirty.  

But hostas make a psychic connection to some folks that sets off a collecting gene.  Each variety’s variation in leaf texture, size, shape, or coloration creates a new must-have plant.  A burning desire to grow each novel introduction develops, and with nurseries cranking out dozens offerings each year, the pace to keep up is hectic.  Only when space is limiting (i.e., everything is covered in hostas except where the house sits) will out-of-date types be moved into friends and neighbors yards in favor of incoming purchases.  These can be $50, $100 or more per plant; bidding at a hosta society auction reportedly once topped $1,200, a real Sotheby’s moment.  

Collectors do not tell their spouses how much their hostas cost or share financial statements unless the spouse is also a hosta-a-holic.  They would also rather have one new special plant than three less special ones for the same money.  Needless to say, in the collector’s garden the perfect companion plant for a hosta is another hosta.  

If you are new to hostas or want to see if you have the collecting gene, here are some ways to get started.  Since many hostas look similar, use the ten foot rule:  each hosta you acquire should look distinct from that distance.  Experts estimate there are maybe 500 ten foot hostas, providing plenty to choose from.  Or, seek out the American Hosta Growers Society’s “Hosta Of The Year” (for 2020 it is called ‘Dancing Queen’).  If nothing else plant my old favorites:  ‘Striptease,’ ‘Krossa Regal,’ ‘Sum and Substance’ and ‘Patriot’ will never let you down. 

After the Pandemic, I’ll see you in the basement.